Life on Primrose Lane

Yep, still here.  With nothing that important to say, but I guess I'll say it nonetheless.  Here goes...

Life is good, crazy, happy, sad, tiring, peaceful and very normal for us.  Whatever that means. 

Today I was reminding Harrison how he used to sit and play with all of his Thomas trains for hours on end.  "No, I didn't," he stated matter-of-factly.  "Yes, honey, you did.  Some days you'd play trains all day long.  You loved your trains."  He sat quietly for a few seconds, then said, "I really don't remember my childhood."  He's seven.

A few weeks back Perry and I made a decision that was very necessary, but will come with it's own set of stressors, mostly financial.  However, we felt God saying "Just trust me," so we did.  A week later Perry lost one of his two remaining freelance clients which means another significant financial hit.  Now we hear God saying, "Do you really trust me?"  Stay tuned...

I'm in the middle of producing a musical at church to present Palm Sunday weekend.  It's called "Hope Rising."  I'm beyond excited about it but it's taking quite a toll on every area of my life right now.  I'd sure appreciate any prayers you want to throw up on my behalf. 

We're headed into baseball and softball season around here.  I will be spending an ungodly amount of time with my butt in a bleacher these next few months.  Time to invest in a padded stadium seat.  I really do love ball season.  Every part of it except those parents who really need to find a life.  Believe me, I'm a competitive sports fan, but people, there ARE more important things in life. 

I'm pretty darn excited about some things in my writing world right now.  And even more excited about how I hope 2009 will play out.  And God continues to say, "Do you really trust me?" 

Tomorrow is a big day in our house.  Before I explain why, let me take you back a few years and give you a glimpse into the Boe household.  In 2001, our family journey had taken us through a season of turmoil and welcoming Harrison into our family was such a gift to my mother's heart.  Perry and I agreed we'd try for one more eventually but we weren't in a big hurry. 

Then came a sunny spring day, 7 years ago.  Doctors had found a mass on my ovary and I was headed into surgery.  I had been in quite a bit of pain and wasn't getting a whole lot of answers so to tell you the truth, I was anxious to get in there and get it over with.  I wasn't prepared for the news I got coming out of surgery.  I had suffered an ectopic pregnancy.  A baby I didn't even know I was carrying was gone.  Apparently, I was about 3 months along.  Obviously it was an unexpected pregnancy in that I was still nursing our 8 month old, Harrison, and didn't have your typical pregnancy symptoms.  I was shocked.  My husband, family and friends were enjoying some sense of "relief" in knowing I didn't have cancer, and I was left reeling from a loss that no one around me was feeling.  It was agony. 

The next few weeks were a blur.  Next thing I knew I was having pain again.  Back to the doctor.  This time, an early ultrasound confirmed I was pregnant again.  I remember my midwife being concerned with my reaction to seeing the baby on the screen.  "This is a good thing, right?" she asked.  I said "Yes," but I'm sure I gave little indication that I was excited.  I wasn't angry.  I wasn't scared.  I wasn't upset.  I just wasn't ready.  I was still grieving my 4th child.  This was the child we named "Heaven" to follow the "H" pattern we had established with our older children and to serve as a sweet reminder to our empty hearts that better things await.

As the weeks passed and I began to feel baby #5 making his presence known, the sorrow turned to anticipation, gratefulness and excitement.  Then, on January 20th, 2003, Houston Joseph Boe made his grand entrance.  And he stole my heart.  This child that I wasn't quite ready to carry has filled our home with joy and laughter, bumps and bruises, blessing and bossiness.  He's one-of-a-kind.  One moment he grabs my face and plants a kiss squarely on my lips, then two seconds later kicks me and nonchalantly walks away.  He's the kid who crawls in bed next to me 2-3 nights a week, tucking his cold feet under my side.  And I don't mind one little bit.  He's the one who told me at dinner tonight, "Mom, this chicken rocks!"  He's the one who has to be given a limit on how many flips to do on the trampoline.  I'm sure he'll be the one I'm trying to track down after curfew.  The one who will decide to drive to California some weekend when he's in high school.  Oh my...

When we celebrate tomorrow with this amazing 6 year old, I will take an extra moment to thank God for ALL our babies, for His faithfulness to me, and for the unexpected miracle we call Huey.  I am a blessed woman.

Don't panic. Yes, I'm blogging two days in a row. I'm trying, friends.

Some fog lifted today and I actually felt a little excited about some possibilities for the next few months. I'm trying to be more intentional with every moment and allow God to do things that I've probably doubted He could. Hate to admit that, but it's true. I'm asking Him for some things that I should have asked Him for long ago but to be honest, sin just got in the way. However, after some soul searching, a lot of prayer, a lot of confession, and some pretty sleepless nights, I think I'm in a place where I can rest a little easier in who God is and what He wants to do. Regardless of my agenda.

In reading a previous sentence from this entry, one might think there is a strange contradiction in what I wrote. Being more intentional and allowing God to do things. For me, the intentional act is twofold. First, surrender. A moment by moment choice to say "God, my life is not my own. Do what you will." And frankly, I can't even intentionally do that on my own. Thank God for the working of the Spirit.

Second, I intend to unashamedly use my gifts in passionate pursuit of honoring God in all things. What does that mean for me? Well,there's no doubt in my mind that my main calling in life is wife and mom. But following that, I am a writer. I write. For God's glory and His kingdom, I write. Mostly songs, but I long to write other things too. And I will. Because God created me to do this. So, when I'm asked to do other things, if God calls me to do them, I will. But right now, I believe God is telling me that all those other things must have a place and purpose in my pursuit of writing. If they don't, they're probably not a part of my calling right now. So, as Psalm 5 says, I'm going to get up in the morning, lay my requests before the Lord, and wait expectantly. Wait intentionally. Wait purposefully. And I will write.

I can't wait to see what God's gonna do.

Well, I wish I had some profound, inspirational, motivational way to start the New Year.  I've been postponing writing this first entry of 2009 thinking something would hit me and I would be able to impart wonderful words of wisdom.  I got nothin', people.  I have been pretty wiped this holiday season.  It seems like I just went from one major thing to the next, always in high gear.  Mostly church stuff.  Everything went well, but it just left me tired.  I definitely enjoyed some good family time with Perry and the kids, so no regrets there.  I took the Sunday after Christmas off so we all just slept in, at a whole lot of pancakes and played a lot of Wii. 

2008 had its share of highs and lows, and I'm sure 2009 will too.  There has been rejoicing and refining, some wounding and some healing.  I'm praising God for all of it tonight.  He has been good.  I'm anticipating some change, but also praying for contentment in situations that I don't see changing for awhile.  I'm hoping to have some alone time next week to really evaluate where I'm at and where I want to be at the start of 2010.  Maybe I'll have something worthwhile to say then.  Stay tuned...

Here's what I like about my family.  (Family, as in my husband and children.)

1)  I like how every night at dinner we ask everyone the same two questions.  "How was your day?" and "What was your best part?"

2)  I like how we still make ourselves play games together even though we fight and someone usually leaves mad. 

3)  I like how we keep simple Christmas traditions like drinking Santa Shakes, watching every Christmas movie known to man, a big Christmas morning breakfast, and decorating a gingerbread house. 

4)  I like how we can sit around a table and do nothing but quote movie clips for hours on end.  And we laugh hysterically at the same ones over and over. 

5)  I like the nick names we use for each other.

6)  I like that my whole family knows how important good ice is. 

7)  I like that all my kids will still dance in the living room.

8)  I like that my 14 year old still tells me he loves me even when he's on the phone surrounded by his friends. 

9)  I like that my two little ones think their sister is the best baby-sitter ever.

10)  I like how everyone in the family can get themselves dressed and in the car by themselves.

Coming up with this list was pretty easy for me just because it focuses on my hubby and kiddos.  But honestly, focusing on the good things in my extended family is really difficult.  For as far back as I can remember, "family" has been a tough thing for me.  I know it is for a lot of people.   And now that we're knee deep in the holiday season and sometimes forced into dealing with relational crap, I'm trying hard to focus on the good things.  Might just try to come up with a list about the rest of the crazies, uh, I mean "loved ones" I call relatives.